I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
