I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
