I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
she told me i tasted like america
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
