return my video game
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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