If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
