More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
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