508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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