Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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