I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
