My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
