I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
two words: eviction party
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
