Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
