We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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