we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize