New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
