we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I just threw up on my dentist
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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