You work out of a Hotel?
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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