My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
