He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
