College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You pole danced in your parka.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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