Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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