Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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