Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
