Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize