I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
