Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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