I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
