Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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