I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
