Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
