Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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