I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
