I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
