We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Randomize
