Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
