All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
