well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
