So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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