I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
