Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
