New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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