Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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