so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
