I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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