I think I am morally bankrupt
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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