people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
