my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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