so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
