this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
