Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
