i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
