There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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