The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
