i think my mom watched the whole time
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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