you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
