just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
