I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
