i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
