this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Welp...herpes.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Randomize
