It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
