went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I'm really busy with my period
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