Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
