I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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