dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize