First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
