Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Terrible idea I love it
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
