I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
