Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
