Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
