It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
