I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
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