Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Randomize
