Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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