having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
